Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Strike of an Overworked Idea

I break into the secret villainous headquarters of Count Chaos, ready to stop all his henchmen and foil his nefarious plot of world eradication, when to my utter obfuscation-- all of my powers stop working.

I stand there, hopping slightly, trying to propel myself into the air, flailing my arms uselessly because my fire invocation is null, squinting at the floor in an effort to at least make myself invisible, but none of the techniques I have learned over the years are working.

My powers appear to be on strike.

The villain for once does not need to cue his henchmen to laugh on time: they burst out with raucous guffaws, holding their sides because I am obviously the most pitiful excuse for a hero they have ever seen. I stop flailing in an effort lessen the impression.

"You are here to try and stop me, aren't you, little thing?" the Count asks, wiping a tear from his eye. "Your costume looks like that of those puny superhero creatures. Is that the best you can do, or are you just a lost child that wandered in here by mistake? Either way, I would offer you the chance to leave while you can, as you obviously would not even be a challenge in battle."

I stand defiantly, legs apart, hands on hips, like a sailor manning the wheel against an unassailable storm. "Never! I may be experiencing a momentary loss in my abilities, but I shall stop you nonetheless! You are a monster, Count Chaos, and I cannot let you destroy our planet simply because you are bored!"

"But why ever not? It's such a tedious place. You could just watch from here while I make it blossom. I like you, little creature. You are feisty and irrational, to challenge me so confidently with nothing to support your cause. I think I would like to keep you as a pet."

I cannot even describe the degree to which I am offended. Count Chaos is a giant, due to (what most heroes who have ever faced him speculate) a random mutation. But I am still his fellow human, not an insect far below to be inspected.

I run to the console and place my hands protectively over the glass lid covering what appears to be the giant explosion-signalling button. "You're not going to touch this!" I shout.

"Oh, please," Count Chaos sighs, "Did you really think I would be so stupid as to actually design my plans in such an archaic and traditional manner? Far from it," and he tips over a string of dominoes on his desk. They lead off the table and down between the legs of the chairs around it, setting off a complicated series of reactions which I become almost completely distracted by-- which is the point. I now have to choose what to focus on-- the string of reactions, or the button.

"Your choice," the Count smiles, "Which do you stop? The marble is rolling and you have little time to catch it. But perhaps it is not so important after all. If you leave your post, I will press the button. But it may be only the dinner bell. There is no telling what shall trigger the bombs. It is complete Chaos," he grins evilly, delighted to actually use his name for its designed purpose, albeit against a decidedly less epic opponent than he had imagined.

I curse my imagination for not coming through when I need it most. If I could just borrow Syca's sense for a moment, and divine which was the true signal...but, even if I did, the Count could easily force me away at just the right moment for his plan to continue. I glance over-- he looks impatient, almost as if he wants me to figure it out, wants me to stop him from destroying the world and is upset that the truth hasn't dawned on me already-- and then I see it. There is a green apple on the console across the room.

Something about this apple comforts me. I feel like I must have it, and take at least one bite, and then everything will be all right. As the Count reaches triumphantly toward the button behind me, I dash over and yank the apple from its place-- but it turns out the apple was a lever in disguise. The lever drops a metal cage around the button case, and Chaos retracts his gloved fingers in surprise.

"Y-you actually d-did it!" he stammers. "A superhero capable of noticing the potential of the utterly mundane! And I didn't think they existed anymore..." He sighs, taking out a handkerchief and mopping his brow. Then, he sits down in the command chair, and takes off-- his leg extensions. His arm extensions. His wig.

"Count Chaos! You're-- you're not a giant!"

"No...nor am I a supervillain. Merely a psychologist. I wanted to study the heroic brain, to see if it recognized patterns and interpreted the world differently than normal. If it perhaps noticed more, and assimilated information at a faster speed. Until now, while I have seen great fighting responses, I have never seen a hero surpass my trials with analytical powers alone. You are quite remarkable."

"Thanks, yeah, no problem," I shrug, knowing that I actually had no real reason to grab at the lever, but that I was stressed and hungry.

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