“A.L.I.C.E.”

I was sent as an undercover agent with Willa Joy to find and destroy a virus called the V.O.R.K., or Viral Ordinariness Regenerating Kanine, that had entered Wonderland.
 It smelled like a Yippiyuck and had more teeth than a Gallebalope’s aunt, and destroyed the natural way of all things around it by introducing extremes of weirdness so contrasting that they cancelled each other out. Our employers forged the Vorpal Sword to counter it. The sword was programmed to enter the virus’s core matrix and dismantle it, if we could first pierce the outer casing’s security system to install it. We trekked out of the candy-striped trans-mat station into the bright jungle air, machetes out, looking for bugs or other symptoms of the virus’s presence.

Halfway into the Forbidden Forest, we spotted a pink blossom growing in Bilious Bog—a sure sign of the Vork’s passing, as nothing so innocent would naturally exist in such fierce environs. A bit further on, the horseshoes on a docile Horsefly had turned to blood, giving it a fierce lust for carnage which made it throw off its rider and race into the forest to tangle with Thrashberry weeds, kicking and neighing.
A bulletin by the roadside gave the news that the Red Queen had pardoned all enemies of the Empire, and was throwing a masked gala that very evening to celebrate.
“It’s already reached the capitol! What should we do?” I asked Willa, panicked that we might be too late to stop the creature’s corruption of data. If it continued, all things in Wonderland would find their nature reversed—and there would be far less whimsical spontaneity, and more mundane, routine, semi-corrupted Humanity. The magic of Wonderland would be lost...
Willa looked at me worriedly for a moment, then smiled. “We'll do what we always do in such dire straits. Outshine the villain!” She paused, calculating her strategies, then added: “Go get your mask.”

When we arrived at the palace, there was a large crowd of stripe-suited prisoners already milling happily about, the broken links of their handcuffs clinking against elegant wine glasses as they toasted the Empire and their unexpected good fortune. The Red Queen was making a proclamation about her new bog development plans, and the shining condos that would soon replace the Stenchious Zone in order to provide adequate housing for the newly released prisoners. At the side of her throne kneeled a hideous dog. It was lapping at a basin of mineral water provided by two trembling servants, and growling at the Queen whenever she paused in her dictation. "The Vork!" I hissed to Joy, who was already unsheathing the Vorpal Blade.
"I know!" She whispered tersely, pulling me back behind the buffet table. The Vork had raised its head and was sniffing the air. "It may already know we're here. It senses the sword...I don't know how we are going to surprise it fast enough to reach the soft spot in its belly casing and install the debugging drive...we need a distraction..."
She stopped and stared at me. I had reached up and grabbed a Bonbon Bomb from the table, and was in the process of munching blissfully, flecks of orange cream exploding out of the dessert and spattering the tablecloth and floor, swinging my head to the music. "I love Wonderland food! It's just so delightful! Music's not bad either." I nodded sagely. "Maybe I should ask the Vork to dance."

Not much later, we were running down a corridor deep in the lower reaches of the castle, our third improvised plan in as many minutes having gone horribly wrong.
"Who'd have known he didn't like jazz music?" I wheezed as we dashed around the corner, "or interpretive dance symbolizing the flight of condors, or finger-painting? Honestly, I figured that could calm any ferocious beastie this side of the Void!" Joy rolled her eyes.
The Vork padded into the hallway, squeezing its proportions to fit into yet another tiny space.
"We have to get airborne!" I shouted to Joy over the metallic howl of the Vork as it crashed through the wall. "It's the only way we'll get to its belly without getting squashed under it!"
"Great plan, but if you hadn't noticed, we're UNDERGROUND!"
I grinned, grabbed Joy's hand, and ducked sideways into a foul-smelling corridor. "We can get out through a sewage grate!" We scrambled up the cement bank of the tunnel and out through a narrow opening, barely out of the way before the Vork crashed up after us.
"Well....time for my fail-safe." I pulled a small glass bottle with an airship inside it from my pocket, smashed it on the ground, and jumped into the rapidly expanding plane. Joy followed right behind me, hefting her sword. We lifted into the sky.
Moving inhumanly fast, the viral Kanine flew into the air and attached itself to the airship's wing mid-flight, talons reaching out over the plane in a smooth, flowing motion, then digging in and pulling the machine apart, chunks of metal and hardware crashing into the street below.

"Crap! I'm all out of contingency plans!" I leaned back to ask Joy if she had any ideas, but she was gone. Frantically, I scanned the ground below, but she was nowhere to be seen. Then I heard a screech.
When I turned once more, I saw Joy, riding the Vork upside down, a tuft of metallic fur in each hand, the sword in her teeth. She had stabbed the Vork in its soft spot, and glowing sections of the blade were detaching and burrowing further into the beast, slowly shutting down the Core. The Vork was disintegrating, blowing away in the wind.

"Well done, team mate!" I crowed, clapping my hands enthusiastically. "I knew we could do it! Now, let's get back and steal some more Bonbons before the Queen regains her senses and ends the party!"