The Nose

I'm in the library, studying various graphic novel and manga art styles, when out of the blue a boy sits down next to me, leans over, and kisses my nose.

Naturally-- I freak out.

I dash backwards up the bookshelf, cowering at the top with full force-field threat-repulsion engaged, which knocks off some of the sculptures on display, but I reach out and catch them with the back of my heel, before realizing what a stupid position I'm in...

"Interesting," remarks the bespectacled boy, who makes some scratch marks on a yellow legal pad. "Even more of a reaction than I expected."

"Who are you?" I whisper angrily, coming slowly down off of the top shelf, trying to ignore the dragonness incarnate in the nearest librarian which has woken from slumber. "Why would you invade my personal space like that?!"

"I'm doing a research project," the boy sniffs. "On the instinctual reactions of fifth-level dejenerated primate derivative species. Wouldn't expect you to understand. You've only got four dimensions here, poor dear."

You can see why I am in a huff. I realize, though, as you may have, that huffiness merely confirms this know-it-all's suspicions that my species is a coarse, dejenerate lot who is far too easily riled. I shall attempt to prove him wrong...

"You can see, sir, that my initial shock at your actions has subsided, and I am feeling much better and more able to answer any questions you might have about my race or home planet in a...suitable...manner. But first, would you care for some refreshment? Tea, perhaps?" I gesture to the table, and it floats closer, setting itself down between us. The librarian has gotten bored watching and goes to reorganize romantic novels.

"Ah, some perception of class still lingers, I see," the thing I call a boy notes, inclining his head sagely. "Perhaps you aren't all as primitive as I first assumed. Though your traffic courtesies are absolutely atrocious." I glance outside the window at the piles of dead small animals littering the sides of the road. Well, the speed limit is only 150 mph around here. I don't really see much to complain about, it's a small and peaceful town, but...

"The Mayor says that when teleports are invented, then we won't need to use streetcars anymore, and the world will become a whole lot safer."

He laughs outright.

"Do you really think that will stop your people from being violent? Far from it, dear human. Your kind will invent any reason to slaughter more of itself or any other thing that moves and breathes. If it's not traffic, it'll be coffee...a terrible invention, yet it shows up consistently in all lower-level planetary systems."

Drat! He must have heard about the Coffee Wars...not the best part in human history, I'll admit, but far in the past...We've done so much good since then...

We discuss politics and reality TV and hiking for awhile, then I show the alien boy a few "magic tricks," which entice him because he is from a very logical dimension and cannot understand how I contrived them (I do not waste my time letting him know they are actually real), then he says goodbye to go write his paper, jumps into a computer screen, and disappears.