The High Empress

I never thought Whoopi Goldberg would take over the world, though everybody knew she was quite capable of doing it. Turns out, she is an alien empress with magical locks like Medusa's, whose powers became dormant when she took on human form to better understand our civilization, before destroying it utterly.

She laughs in a musical, deep-throated way no human is capable of mastering, as her armada dives down into the atmosphere and starts sucking up all of the best performers on the planet. She knows that if we no longer have quality entertainment, we shall start killing each other immediately, and humanity will be its own undoing. We are only held in check from anarchy by the antics of a lone clown who hacks into all the TV networks and begins to broadcast a slapstick show with occasional profound statements on the meaning of life. He works round the clock without sleeping, and his friends sit in tanks day and night to guard the Last Performer from abduction.

Then, one night, he opens the doorknob to his dressing room to do a quick change, to find Her sitting at his vanity table. "How'd you get in here?" He dashes to leave, but the door has disappeared. "I'm sorry, but you've been transported to my ship. There'll be no escaping. Your efforts were valiant, but ultimately futile. The human race will fall, without you. Now, do what you do best. Entertain me."

Amanda takes this as our cue to burst through the wall dressed in mime outfits. Who says superheroes can't be performing artists as well? Besides, I like to make costumes. The Empress merely laughs. "Don't tell me, you're going to try and stop me without uttering a word? What do you call yourselves, the Silent Supers? Calm Cavalry? Mime Mutilators? You're a laughable excuse for heroes. Hahahahahaha!"

We stare at her, glance at each other, smile-- and attack.

Within minutes, the ship is overthrown.
We don't even have to speak a word.

We send Whoopi and her people, tied up, back to their home world on autopilot, with a strict warning taped to the command chair, should the Empire ever think they have the right to cause our doom again.

I keep the makeup on because I like it.